Reverb 10 - Day 14: Appreciate or How I came to terms with my situation.

December 14 – Appreciate

What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

(Author: Victoria Klein)


It's not just one thing I've ended up appreciating in 2010. It's my entire situation.

I've come to terms with and I've started to appreciate the positive parts of all these facets of my current situation:
- my choice of topic and university,
- the independence I get in my research,
- living in Delft and the Netherlands,
- my housing situation,
- being far from my boyfriend.

Let me break this down and discuss more.

1. my choice of topic and university

I've let go of (or better: I'm trying very hard to let go of) all the "what if"s that I kept thinking of. What if I had stayed in the US and looked for a job and waited until the economy would be better? What if I'd have applied to another university?

2. the independence I get in my research

I started to appreciate the trust and independence I get here. I think this is one of the main factors that makes doing a PhD at TU Delft special. You really learn how to become a fully independent academic who can set up a research program all by himself. (But sometimes it can get really lonely and hard).

3. living in Delft and the Netherlands

I guess I have digested my culture shock (home vs. the Netherlands) and reverse culture shock (moving from the US back to Europe) by now. Delft is pretty, and the North Sea is near.

4. my housing situation

Early 2010 I left my campus room and decided to take over a previous generation of PhD students their apartment and look for roommates. Now I feel like I have a home, and not that I am camping in a temporary transition phase anymore.

5. being far from my boyfriend

Saying that I appreciate this part of my current situation would be too much, but at least I've accepted the situation.

What I've learned from all this is that it definitely doesn't help to keep dreaming of (doubtfully) better options. I've taken a decision to come here and do a PhD and I'd better make the best out of it. I've noticed that I started to enjoy living here much more when I gave up on being grumpy about this entire situation.

To express my gratitude for the situation I am in, I have started to cherish and indulge in all positive parts I can see in this situation. Most of all, I feel relaxed in my house (and I notice my cat has become much calmer and less stressed than before too).

For 2011 I hope I can further develop this appreciation. Enjoying the time I am spending here should be one of the keys to a better balance, and thus more productive time to do research.

Reverb10 - Day 13: Action

December 13 – Action

When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

(Author: Scott Belsky)


My main aspiration is to find my focus. I need to learn how to focus in many different ways.

1. Focus my concentration

The action I should take here is to train my concentration. I get disturbed easily by noise in the hallway, and people walking in and out of my office.

Next time when my office gets too busy, I will go to the library and read in silence there.

Then another problem is that my concentration, when not influence by outside factors, can be really bad. I'm never able to concentrate longer than 20 minutes, but these days my thoughts drift off after 5 minutes, or less.

I have to train my concentration by taking up meditation again, and by reducing my stress-levels.

2. Focus on my topic

I have collected all papers that might in some way be relevant to my research. To really work through these would take me too much time. I need to set days for speed-reading and sieving the valuable information out of my giant stash of information, and I should do this rather fast.

I have a very broad interest, but I should start narrowing down and develop my theory during the course of 2011. I should stop flying around loose ideas and working on bits and pieces but pick something and work it out thoroughly.

3. Focus on what matters in life

... and let go of what I do not need in 2011.

Reverb10 - Day 12: Body Integration - Part 2

I've been thinking about this prompt a bit more. My first answer was the obvious answer that I am most aware of my body when I am exercising.

But then I started to look at my past. I didn't practice that much sports as a child. Some ballet and tennis as a young child and horse-riding as a teenager was all the sports I did. I hated the hours of sports in school from the bottom of my heart. They triggered migraines since we always had to do gymnastics in which you end up upside down. And when we were not doing gymnastics, we had to play ball sports, which was a complete failure for me since I have virtually no depth sight.

As a teenager, I felt most integral body and mind when I was playing music. Especially when playing the cello, because you need to wrap your entire body around the instrument to play. Sometimes I feel complete when I sing too. Not when I am neatly singing from sheet music or singing in the choir, but mostly when I can sing along freely with a song I really like. I remember feeling integral during the pop singing classes I took.

Thinking about this made me realize I should make more time to sing freely and play the cello for 2011.

Reverb10 - Day 12: Body Integration

December 12 – Body Integration

This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

(Author: Patrick Reynolds)


This prompt seems easy and straightforward to me: in the gym.
When exercising I can release all frustration and feel the energy flowing through my body freely. If I take a group fitness class I need to concentrate on following the moves of the instructor, so I have my mind focused completely on the task I am executing.

For 2011 I hope I can add meditation to this. I've been doing some attempts recently to silence the random thoughts in my head in order to focus better, but it is still very hard.
I started to sit back and breath deeply for a few minutes in my office recently, to regain focus in the middle of the day.
This way, I've identified one of the problems: my lunch breaks actually don't make me feel relaxed and ready to tackle the afternoon. Some of my colleagues creep me out, and their presence at my lunch break drains my energy.

Reverb10 - Day 11:11 things

December 11 – 11 Things

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

(Author: Sam Davidson)


1. Clutter

Except for what I really collect (books, CDs, photographs) I would like to remove some clutter from my room. My office is already clutter-free (at least at my side of the office), but my room, and especially my rooms at my parents' place are filled with objects I haven't touched in the last 5 years. I know I will feel lighter and able to think more freely when I eliminate them.

2. Approval of people I don't care about

Somehow, I seem to be conditioned to try to please and to be kind to all people I only know vaguely and do not contribute to my life. I try too hard to fit in, and it takes me too much energy. Eliminating this will go bit by bit, and by reflecting on my actions on a daily basis. Getting rid of this will free me of a certain amount of social stress.

3. Conflict with the people I care about

And this social stress sometimes makes me grumpy and insecure about myself, which results in me getting into conflict with the people I care for. Next time I feel a conflict coming, I will stop and pause and try to find the reason behind this. This should make the relationship with my loved ones stronger and healthier.

4. Negative memories

I'm totally an emotional packrat. I keep remembering negative events, even though they took place more than 10 years ago. I want to start to let go of these negative memories. It will free me of some unnecessary thoughts and ideas and help me focus on what is important.

5. Wasting time on the internet

One of my bad procrastination habits I am trying to get rid of. I don't have a real procrastination problem (I do plan ahead and always finish well before my deadlines), but wasting time randomly clicking around on the internet is one of my dumbest habits. Getting rid of this will bring me more time and will result in a better focus.

6. Being busy with little task to avoid tackling the big problem

Another bad procrastination habit: doing all the easy little administrative tasks first, and then concluding sometime halfway the day that I haven't got to the point of tackling my most important thing to do for the day. Again, getting rid of this will help me focus and prioritize better, and free some more time for me for fun activities.

7. Fear of asking for other people's time

This one is especially a problem when asking for the time of my advisors. I am too aware of the fact that they are busy, and stressed out because of the recent reorganization that I feel guilty to go and ask for their time. But waiting and waiting before I schedule an appointment delays me. Getting rid of this strange fear will help me move forward and towards my goals.

8. Perfectionism

This probably will be the hardest one, since it is an entire part of myself. I'm taking a special course for PhD students, and since we are a small group, there is a lot of space for our personal stories in there. In 2011 I would like to let go at least some level of perfectionism.

9. Guilt when I take time for myself

Too often I still feel guilty when I take time for myself and I keep thinking I should be doing something useful like reading papers now. This again is part of my attempts to find my work-life balance, and letting go of this feeling of guilt will make sure I can fully enjoy the time I take for myself, recharge my batteries and then tackle work with a fresh mind again.

10. Anger in traffic and the supermarket

I've tried for about an entire year to pass by people in the supermarket by saying "excuse me", and it seems to be very uncommon here in the Netherlands. I ended up coming home from the supermarket upset and angry and ranting about those rude Dutchies. I probably should just let go and push my way through the supermarket too. Or at least, I should just let go of this feeling of frustration. It's a cultural thing, and I should adapt to it. The same is true for traffic. I'll just have to learn that people drive a bit more assertive here.

11. High amounts of sugar and fat

I eat these too often, and they make me so tired. Last Monday we had cookies and marzipan and all kinds of treats during our coffee break, and about an hour after that I almost fell asleep. And this happens to me every time when I eat a lot of sugar. On the other hand, fruits and granola bars (if they don't contain too much sugar at least), give me a lot of energy. I hope I'll be able to make some healthier choices in 2011. Getting rid of the high amounts of sugar and fat will make me feel healthier and less tired.

Reverb10 - Day 10:Wisdom

December 10 – Wisdom
Wisdom.
What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)


At least the largest decision I took in 2010 is that I wanted to change my way of working.
I felt I was getting tired, had lost track of my priorities and had lost grip on my project.

So I made a few changes.

1. I understood it is MY project

I started to take matters into my own hands and push the project forward. I now ask my advisors for advice, but I don't ask them what I should be doing.
I determined my priorities and I've made a list of research ideas to work on.
And I'm enjoying this feeling of independence.

2. I started to use a planning

I started splitting up my to do list into several lists at different levels, as I've described in this post. For every day I have my most important thing to do, on which I focus.

3. I'm trying to find a work-life balance

I'm still working on this one. But I've already done progress. I go to the gym for group fitness at fixed times so that I have to leave my office in time. And I've noticed that I now can leave my office in the evening without feeling guilty or thinking I should have done more. If I can work on my most important thing to do, then I feel I've accomplished something by the end of the day.

How staying longer at work resulted in getting less work done

Yesterday, I stayed in my office from 8am until 7:30 pm and -oh horror- I got much less work done than on other days.

I knew I could stay longer in my office because I was planning to go straight from my office to my choir practice. That's why I stayed late.

Since September, I haven't been staying long in my office. I've been scheduling aerobics classes at relatively early hours to make sure I leave my office in time. All this is the result of my attempts to find a work-life balance as a PhD student.

Knowing that I'll leave my office at a certain time, usually 6pm, forces me to plan my day, and fit my work in my schedule. I've tried and tested this, and I am getting as much done as when I was staying in my office from 8am to 8pm before September. I even feel like I can focus better during the day.

Yesterday, I thought during the day several times that I could do this and that in the meanwhile (unimportant tasks) "because I was staying longer anyway". Around 5:30 pm my concentration was gone, and I started to instant message my boyfriend. And then I started to read some blogs and have dinner. And suddenly I had to leave and run for choir practice, leaving the paper I wanted to read unread on my desk.

I've learned my lesson :)

Reverb10 - Day 9:Party

December 9 – Party

Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

(Author: Shauna Reid)


I've had several fun parties according to the trusted recipe: fun friends, good music, great atmosphere and some Belgian beers (or ice tea, when I'm designated driver... I take my responsibility very serious then).

Other than that, I need to write that 2010 was the year in which I discovered that doing a PhD is a big party - if you want it to be like that .


You can be negative, and complain about your slow progress, lack of supervision, workload, difficulties in prioritizing and the like. I'm not telling you that you can't complain about those, every now and then you should complain and you definitely should remain realistic about your goals.

But there's so much more positive and fun things about it!
Think of this: in which job could you dig into a topic of your interest for such a long time? Where can you come and go and decide on your schedule and tasks as much as when doing a PhD? Where do you get the opportunity to travel and meet amazingly interesting people?

You see, doing a PhD is like a party for your brain. :)

Reverb 10 - Day 8: Beautifully Different

December 8 – Beautifully Different.

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

(Author: Karen Walrond)


Today's prompt is a hard one on me. Not because I cannot find in which way I am different, but rather because I am continuously the odd duck, wherever I go.

During my school days, I never had the feeling of fitting in. Then, at university I didn't feel I was like the other engineering students.

Over time, I have come to terms with the fact that I am different. I realize that my broad range of interests can be seen as a positive quality, and I have decided I want to stimulate my interest. No longer I want to hide my artistic side when I am amongst engineers, and no longer I want to hide my geekiness when I am with musicians.

I have tried to narrow myself down, but it is against my personality.

Reverb10 - Day 7: Community

December 7 – Community

Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

(Author: Cali Harris)


Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010?

I had a very good experience at my first conference last year in 2010.

I was afraid that no one would be interested in my research because I just started it. I was afraid that I would not be taken seriously because I am new to research (and only 25, and female).

But it turned out to be just the opposite way around. Having "TU Delft" on my name-tag was enough for people to come up to me and talk to me. Or they would just come and talk to me, just interested in my research and curious what brought me to the conference.

I felt accepted by my scientific community.

What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

Professionally, I would like to connect more to fellow PhD students in other fields and around the world, and share thoughts and ideas on research and how to do a PhD. There are many similarities valid for all fields in the skills you need to manage a big research project like your own PhD. I would love to learn from others, reflect on their and my experiences and improve my ways.

Just ask

For 2011, I have a challenge for myself. I hope some of my fellow researchers will join in too.

Just ask what you want.

Have you been thinking to yourself: I wish I could go to this conference, I wish I could present there, I wish I could meet this person?

It came to my mind recently, that most PhD students need to create chances.

Taking chances is a first step, and I have been able to put myself to this point. I am naturally shy and I would prefer to stay in my safe research environment. I can feel perfectly happy with a pencil, scratch paper and a few interesting papers.

Last year, however, I discovered the wonderful feeling of getting positive feedback from peers and senior researchers. I must have been smiling and radiating throughout the entire summer, as my first two conferences gave me quite some confidence in my work.

I am glad that I have discovered what opportunities it can bring me to take chances, but I want more.

For 2011, I want to create more chances. I want to simply ask what I would like to do.
I have made a few steps in this direction already. The next two conferences I will attend, are conferences I have chosen, and have asked my advisors if I can go there. I have an abstract in process for another convention, and today I asked about a conference in 2012 already for which abstracts are due early 2011.

Another major step is that today, I dared to walk into the office of my advisor and ask him if he read the documents I sent him. We had a scheduled meetings this morning which got postponed to "sometime during the day".
Normally, I would have stayed in my office, anxiously waiting until he would show up and tell me he had some time to discuss. Now, I spent 10 minutes talking to myself and saying: just go ask!

And this I would like to do more in 2011: Just ask!

Even if the answer is "no", at least I will have tried.

Reverb10 - Day 6: Make

December 6 – Make.

What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

Thinking about this question, I realized I have "made" a lot of things during the last year when it comes to my work, but not enough when it comes to the creative person in me.

What I've created, what I've devoted all my energy to has been mainly my research.

I have written papers, I have made specimens, I have produced ideas.

But what would happen if I make more time for creativity in my life?

What would happen if I start writing poetry again, if I start composing music again? I must admit that, since it has been so long ago, I have become afraid to do this. I have become afraid that I will not meet the standards that I used to have.

And I know that, since I haven't had practice for such a long time, I will not meet these standards. So I took the easy way and did not free up some time and space to let out this creativity.

Recently, I read somewhere that creativity is a habit you need to form.
I know this is true, since I used to just allow myself 20 minutes of writing time per day in which I learned to develop my poetry style. I used to save my saturday mornings to work through composing exercises.

Creating more time for creativity is one of my challenges for 2011.

I'm already curious to see how this will influence the creative thinking I need in my research.

Reverb10 - Day 5: Let go

December 5 – Let Go.

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

(Author: Alice Bradley)


I let go of clutter

I am a giant pack-rat, and one of my challenges for last year was to let go of clutter, both objects and emotional.

Letting go of clutter - objects

I did quite some progress here. It all started earlier in 2009, when I had to move back from the US to Europe. When I left, I filled an entire trash bag with stuff I did not need anymore and another trash bag with clothes to bring to a charity.

Before that,I would keep everything I had. Now I really had to sort out and see what I could take along with me on the flight. I have kept this attitude and started to sort out my things.

By now, I seriously have been thinning out clothes and shoes. Even though I still have too much, I feel that it has become much easier for me to simply throw something away or donate it.

I still face the challenge to sort out my books, and to sort out all the random stuff I have at my parents' place. That is one of my day zero projects, and it is on that list for a reason :)

The first steps have been taken, and I feel that I am progressing bit by bit. Sorting out cupboards, re-organizing and creating more room for the things I really use now feels good to me.

Letting go of clutter - emotional

I only started to try this about two months ago. I would like to attach more value to emotions that are positive and related to the persons I care about, and to drag less negative emotions with me of situations that actually do not matter and persons who do not contribute to my life.

I hope I can report some good progress here in about half a year.

Reverb10 - Day 4: Wonder

December 4 – Wonder.
How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
(Author: Jeffrey Davis)

Thinking about this question, I realize that wondering is an essential part of my life, in many different ways.

I wonder about research questions.

Thinking out of the box and wondering why we make certain assumptions are supposed to be my daily activities. Supposed to be, that is.

Too often, I just rush around the day in a reactive mode: helping out colleagues, replying e-mail, planning my experiments. My day gets stuffed with short activities, while I need large batches of time to actually do the real scientific work and think deeply.

One of my challenges for the next year will be to create this room for creativity in my schedule. I might start to set office hours, and try to put my meetings less scattered around in time.

I wonder about the opportunities I get.

It is amazing to discover what happens if you open doors. I am very fortunate in my project to decide what I want to try out and where I would like to go.

One of these doors I opened, was to go to a conference. It was my very first conference ever and I went all by myself. Before that, I was dead nervous. I was afraid my work would be criticized. I was afraid no one would talk to me.

But I am so glad I went there. i learned so much and met so many people. Senior researchers would come up to me and start a conversation. I was not feeling alone or not part of the community, I was feeling very welcome indeed.

I am glad that I took the challenge.

I wonder about our beautiful world.

I try to enjoy all seasons and all changes in nature as much as possible. I enjoy walking outside and admiring a beautiful scenery and wondering about our wonderful world.

I used to live for summer, and ignore all other seasons. During the winter, I would feel very tired and without energy. I thought there was no solution at all to it.

Recently I discovered that the solution lies within accepting the beauty of every season. This is the first winter in which I feel as vivid and happy as during summertime. I just gave up on complaining, and decided to indulge in the beauty of the season. It was that easy to cure my winter disease.

Reverb10 - Day 3: Moment

December 3 – Moment.

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

(Author: Ali Edwards)


My walk around the Laguna de Limpiopungo

 

Only a very few times in my life I have experienced the beauty and vastness of nature to this extent. Walking around this lake at an altitude of 3800m above sea level was a wonderful experience.

I was in the wonderful company of my boyfriend, his daughter and two of his cousins. We had just visited the parking lot of the Cotopaxi at 4500m above sea level, where we had been walking literally in a snow or ice rain cloud. I was chilled to the bone.

The sun came out as soon as we reached the lake. The air was of a freshness and purity I had never experienced before. The lake was reflecting in the late afternoon sun like a thousand diamonds. In all this abundance, I started walking. 

I was filling my lungs with this pure air, and discovering the small flowers that grow at this high altitude. The grass under my walking boots felt hard and short. Even though it was very cold, the sun was shining very brightly since I was walking very close to the equator.

Around the lake, the colors were mainly green, yellow and brown. The little flowers were purple, and the water and sky were bright blue. After walking for half an hour, something wonderful happened: a rainbow appeared. The sky was so bright and the air was so pure that I could see the rainbow very sharply. It was a complete arc, I could see its beginning and its end. For the first time in my life I had seen a complete rainbow.

I was amazed by all this beauty, and I remember this walk very often.

Reverb10 - Day 2: Writing

December 2 - Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

I write, and then I wait for the input of my supervisors.

I usually write a draft (conference) paper in a concentrated writing wave of about 2 or 3 days. In the best cases, I just sit down in my office, connect to grooveshark for my favorite music, and start writing and writing. I then print out my first draft. About a week later, I proofread this draft, make some changes (typically this involves considerable changes) and then I submit it to my advisors for their input.

There are two things I would like to discuss in further detail concerning my writing.

Avoiding writer's block

I've found my way to avoid writer's block and to actually enjoy writing.

All through my childhood and teenage days, I enjoyed writing. I wrote short stories, kept a diary and I wrote poems (and participated in an organization for poetry and young people, and in competitions and all fun stuff I enjoyed back then). Acknowledging the fact that, in essence, I enjoy writing was a first step to overcome my fear of an empty white screen.

Knowing this, I started to write intensely for my PhD. I started to write discussions and summaries of interesting papers and documents I had been reading. I started to write out the results of my parameter studies. I started writing a large literature review which I update every time I come across an interesting paper.

You might wonder, what is the use of my overactive typing? To me, the value of this is that I always have some information ready to pull contents from. When I write a paper in which I compare my experimental results to code methods, I don't have to spend much time on explaining those code methods. I can simply pull the information from one of my documents, and then alter it a bit to fit the contents and purpose of the paper under consideration.

The value of other people's input

I don't feel confident about my scientific writing yet. By the time I write and defend my dissertation, I hope will have found this confidence. As for now, I still heavily rely on the input of others. But, since my advisors are very busy people, I have the impressions they do not really have the time to deeply check my writing and will only get what I call the "first level" errors out of it: typos and little lacks in the text and drawings. However, to really learn to become a better writer, I hope to get some more structural feedback: leave out a certain section, discuss something else...

Therefore, I have tried to determine for myself why and when I find a paper well-written. I am trying to learn from other people's writing style and implementing this into my own style. However, I still feel that I need a guiding hand in my writing.

What helped you to become a better scientific writer?

Reverb10 - Day 1: One word

I have just discovered reverb10. Even though I am a few days too late to start in time with this challenge, I decided I would like to give it a go. I might not be able to keep up with the challenge until the end of the month, since I will be traveling all around in the second half of the month, but the idea of writing on a day to day basis and sorting out what happened the last year sounds very tempting to me.

The first day reads:
December 1 - One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

Start

2010 felt as the start of so many different things to me. Even though my PhD itself started late 2009, it is only in 2010 that I started to understand the real challenge of this project and that I understood that I have to take lead in my own project. I started to be in charge of my project.

Then, during the summer holidays I went to visit the family of my boyfriend. Having met eachothers' families and roughly decided where we will live after grad school gives me the idea that we really have started a long-term project together.

After these holidays, I started to push myself out of my comfort zone. Challenging myself to exercise more, eat healthier, feel less stressed and overall live a more balanced and healthier life has made me feel less tired than I used to feel. I still have days on which I prefer to stay inside instead of going to the gym and stuff myself with chocolate (today, I admit, was one of those days), but I feel I am doing progress.

For 2011, I hope the word will be "progress". I hope I can further develop the changes I initiated in my life this year.

Evaluation of my presentation

Time to reflect on yesterday's presentation....

Something interesting happened during my presentation, which tells me a lot about myself. Even though I was well prepared and put a lot of effort into making drawings for my presentation as well as stating clear goals and a clear key message of my presentation, even though I was not nervous three days ahead, I still felt extremely uncomfortable.

And the reason was very simple. One person (one of my colleagues, actually), sitting right in front of me, was talking to the people next to him, and making fun of me and my gestures during my presentation. This made me feel so uncomfortable, insecure, nervous, distracted and during the questions, I was doubting myself. Just because I felt the negative attitude of one person making me very clear that my work is not good.

I've been having this problem before, as a musician. Last year, I sang at a concert in our department during the lunch break. The negative attitude of some of my coworkers (music is not science therefore irrelevant and ridiculous) made me feel very nervous, and I performed very badly. I couldn't even have my breathing correctly supporting my singing.

Another example is almost 10 years ago, but I never forgot it because it was a very negative experience for me. I was playing cello then as a soloist on the concert of the winners of the city medal for music. Right in front of the stage, our mayor fell asleep while I was putting my heart into my Bach cello suite. It disturbed me so much, I ended up playing not well at all.

The lesson I learn from this is that I am very vulnerable to the atmosphere in which I perform or present. If one person can make the atmosphere turn hostile against me, I am lost.

Up to now, I don't know how to shield myself against these influences. I should just ignore it, but I'm an HSP, so sensing my environment is my natural behavior.

How can you ignore someone's hostile attitude while you are presenting?

Tomorrow's presentation

Tomorrow I will be presenting again at the same symposium where I had my first presentation about my research one year ago.
Last year, my presentation wasn't bad, but there was a lot of room for improvement. I've corrected some of last year's mistakes and wanted to write this out here for myself to see what I've learned, to see if I'll have more to add to this in one year from now, and maybe new PhD students can learn from this too.

1. Prepare ahead
Last year, I had to make my presentation the afternoon before the moment of the presentation. I wasn't expecting that I would be presenting. I checked the box "I would like to give a presentation" but later on I heard that only 3rd and 4th year PhD students would be presenting. Then, the day before the symposium, I came back to my office in the afternoon, after arriving from a transatlantic flight in the morning. Totally jet-lagged I looked at my mail, to find out that I would be the first one to present. If only I would have had some slides ready (just in case, they always come in useful), if only I would have an idea of an outline.... but no,I had to start from scratch at that very moment, I even had to go and take pictures in the lab. I've learned that it is very good to always have something ready, just in case.

2. Know your audience
Last year, I didn't check to whom I would be speaking. I just assumed everyone out there would be a structural engineer. I didn't know it would be open to all civil engineers and architects. So I immediately jumped into the core of the problem, with not much introduction. This year, most of my presentation is figures and concepts.

3. Try out to work with a key message
This year, I made a slide with my key message which I will show twice during my presentation. I hope that will make my most important hypothesis clear enough. It's the first time I try this approach.

4. The importance of the Q&A
Last year I answered some questions too quickly because I thought they were irrelevant. I think the asker was not too happy about that. I promise I won't do this again, and I promise I'll try to let the asker finish his or her question before interrupting (very difficult for me).

Alright, now I'll go back to packing my bag for the symposium. I'm not nervous (yet), which is also an improvement as compared to last year.